Life is getting more complicated for all of us and what can come with this is added pressure and nerves to perform well and live up to these expectations. The more we learn about communicating with people and learning to not judge people, can sometimes negatively affect us if we struggle with social situations. It can leave us in a place of second-guessing what we should or shouldn’t say and add to our existing nerves and worries. Finding new ways to think about being around people can help with those insecurities and not only help our anxiety levels but also help build our confidence. Often with worries of what we should or shouldn’t say and social anxiety, the biggest issue is not really about us not knowing what we should do, it’s more about the worry that we will get it wrong. This being the case it is important for us to acknowledge this and start to focus on ways to help us change what we can change and let go of what we can’t.
The first step is to acknowledge that we are all different and that’s fine, we are like a box of chocolates with all different varieties of chocolate, with lots of different flavours inside, made in all different shapes and sizes. This is our melting pot of people and this is fine, we also have to accept that not everyone will be considerate to people and maybe not respond in appropriate ways. This is not nice if we are in the firing line but always remember that what people say doesn’t define who we are. The next thing to consider is that we don’t know what’s going on with that person or their lives or even how the last ten minutes were for them before you met them. This being the case, we can again acknowledge we don’t have the full picture and that we can’t just jump to conclusions and fire out blame to ourselves for things or even to others. Don’t get me wrong, people don’t have the right to behave badly, but again this being the case we don’t have any control over this, and you can let it go. Learning to be more resilient and not take things personally will make a big difference to our confidence level, as the most important opinion of who we are is our own.
The next step is to get out of your head and into the moment. If we are in our heads worrying about doing or saying the wrong thing, it won’t help the situation, it could make it worse, as we would be doing two things at once, worrying and trying to be present and this will just confuse our minds. So, this is the second part of the rule, this is something you can change and alter, so it’s time for you to work on being present and in the moment. It’s great to help ourselves be more present, to hear and see things more clearly and if we are in the moment then we are not worrying. Take the time to get involved in listening to what people are saying or observe what’s going on or better still get more engaged and involved in the conversations.
I am not sure any of us ultimately know the right things to say, but if we choose to listen, be considerate to other people’s opinions and strive to be the best versions of ourselves, this will create the best outcome. It can also be good if we’re not sure of something, to be open and say we are not sure, can they explain things in a bit more detail or give any more information on the subject. Being open to engaging with people creates a good rapport and allows your confidence in communication to grow. This way of thinking can help you grow in your knowledge, as well as your communication skills and will be sending great messages of confidence into your inner mind.
Another good thing to be aware of is that if we do make a mistake – and we all do this – is that it is much easier to own it and apologise for it. If we feel things are right and it is genuinely our fault then to say, “I am so sorry I got confused over that”, is a strong positive thing to do. This is not about saying sorry for everything though even when it’s not your fault, that won’t help and will just negatively impact your confidence. The more we allow ourselves to be present in all situations and learn to relax and be ourselves will help our confidence grow. Already for some of us, we do have that outer confidence and we can deal with things well in the moment. But what can happen afterwards is that we can start to second guess ourselves and start to worry about what happened. This is futile as it’s over now and it is not something we change as the past will always be the past. The best we can do is to acknowledge that we can’t change this and start changing our negative insecurities to things. Making this distinction to accept the past and change how we feel about it, will help us find more confidence in who we are. If these insecure thoughts about the past come to mind, it’s key not to acknowledge them in any way. We don’t need to reassure ourselves as this will just keep our minds focused on them and from our inner mind’s perspective, if we were secure about it, we wouldn’t be reassuring ourselves. Stop reassuring ourselves and work to distract ourselves from the worries, as the past is over, there is no need to worry, it’s time to let it go.
Set yourself some goals; write down the affirmation of:
I choose to change the things I can and let go of the things I can’t.
Keep reminding yourself of this and it will help as you continue to focus on being that best version of yourself.
Have a great day. Sara x