Over the last few blogs, we have been looking at ways to help become a calmer person by not letting underlying habits trigger internalised anxiety responses. Our minds are black and white and even if we are pretending to ourselves that we feel ok, our inner minds won’t believe what isn’t true. I am sure we are all at times living in denial about things that are happening in our lives. We pretend to ourselves that it isn’t an issue and that we are not bothered about something, when we are bothered, scared, living in denial, and pretending this is not an issue.
We might say to ourselves we don’t want to go out to the work’s Christmas party because we have too many other things to do or it’s just too complex to get it to work for us. We say this to ourselves and on certain levels, we believe this. But what is happening is that on another level we are scared to go, there will be too many people, we don’t like going to places we haven’t been to before, we only like going out with our partners, or whatever our own personal fears are. You might be thinking why would this be an issue for us? Why would this make deeper issues for us? If we don’t want to go then it is fine. On a level, yes these are all ok, but the deeper issue for your mind is that you are in denial over this. That denial is seen by your unconscious mind as a massive thing and will push your mind into developing more fears about similar situations to this.
It’s time to fully acknowledge how we are feeling and stop sending these messages of fear to our deep inner minds. This will help us to find that inner knowledge to not let us go down those paths of lying to ourselves. In doing this, our minds will feel safer, and when we go into similar situations, we will not be having to carry all that repressed fear. It’s situations like this that can build up over time and create phobias and fears in how we feel on a day-to-day basis. You might be thinking is it such a big thing to do this? For your conscious mind, not at all, but for your primaeval and unconscious parts of your mind it is massive. For most of us, we live in a very safe world and don’t come across many life-or-death situations so that part of our mind is always on the lookout for anything we are afraid of. The more we deny how we feel, the more fear we are inadvertently pushing into our inner mind.
It’s time to be totally honest with ourselves and admit how we truly feel about these things and start to work on finding ways out of feeling this way. By not living in denial, we will be already positively supporting our mind, and helping us to not grow those inner fears within us. Maybe it’s time to challenge ourselves over these fears and help to develop confidence in doing these things that in the past we would have lived in denial and avoidance of. Make a plan of action to start to feel more comfortable in say, those bigger more social situations, or whatever it is you have been avoiding. You don’t have to rush out and do massive things, the best way is to start with smaller steps and develop your confidence to feel comfortable doing these things. If you challenge yourself once or twice a week, then over the next couple of months your mind will be building that confidence in doing these things. In a couple of months time, the things you started doing will now be feeling easier to do and even more normal. As you go on you keep challenging yourself to do that little bit more and over the next few months your confidence will grow and your old fears will reduce.
Don’t think you can just do things once and it will be fine, that isn’t the case with an issue that has fear, it is built on repetition to reduce the fears and build the confidence. Just a bit more each week will enable you to push those fear boundaries away and help you to feel more confident in all of these situations.
You will look back after 6 months and often be surprised at how far you have come and how much you have achieved. Don’t stop until these situations feel normal and natural to you and you can live your life to the full without fears and denial.