We all get worried from time to time and that is quite normal. But if we are allowing this to take over and become a habit then this will negatively impact how we feel. The thing about worrying is that the more we worry, the more worried we can feel. Also, worries can be impacted by how we react to ourselves and the world around us. If, say, we are worrying about going somewhere and we keep telling ourselves, “It’s ok, we will be fine”, this you might think is no big thing, but to our unconscious mind, it is a massive thing, as your mind automatically looks at everything. If you were ok, then you wouldn’t need to tell yourself that you are ok. So, you are not actually telling your mind that you are ok, each time you say to yourself that you will be fine, you are telling yourself on a deeper level that you are the opposite. You might be thinking really?! But the fact is your mind is so black and white in how it places things and without any grey area to put things, it has no choice. The thing is, you do know that you’re not feeling ok so you can’t think on any level that you can trick your mind to think otherwise. This is the same if you ask other people to reassure you, if we are always asking people if we are ok or will be ok, this is not helping us to stop the worrying, it will only be adding to our worries.
If this is you then it might just be the information you need to help you reduce the worries and in turn, reduce the level of anxiety you might be feeling. The more we send a good message to our minds, the more relaxed we will feel. Now is the time to maybe just take stock of the message you are sending your inner mind and make sure that you are not inadvertently sending the wrong message. Just like the personal reassurance, the key is, if we are fine then we wouldn’t need to ask if we will be ok, we would just know this by feeling safe and secure inside. That inner safety and security are just what we need in place of the worries and negative reassurance, as this will allow us to feel secure in all those different situations. The more we work on sending those good messages then the less we will worry about things, and the calmer and happier we will feel.
Another thing we could be doing that would also be sending in more fear and worry to our inner minds is pretending that we are ok. We might be saying, no it’s not an issue, we just don’t want to do that, it’s not what we like to do. This again, for your inner mind, is a hard message to place anywhere other than in a negative place of worry and fear. This is because we are telling ourselves a white lie and we are scared to do this. Our minds can only place this in that true place, the one of fear and worry. This is how at times we can then develop fears of things that we hardly ever do or have never done. Because unbeknown to us all, these messages that we have been sending to ourselves have been ones of worry. Our minds are amazing, but it is just like a big computer and it’s very clear how things get placed – no grey areas and no avoiding the things it doesn’t like. Everything has to be placed somewhere and your mind doesn’t accept denial, avoidance, or negative reassurance. All those roads will not only be a negative thing for your mindset but will also increase your worry, fear, and anxiety levels. The more we worry, the more anxious we become, and the more we try to pretend we are not worried, and avoid things, the more anxious we become too.
I often speak to people with anxiety that say they are not sure how they have gotten to this point and that they don’t feel they are a worrier. But most, if not all of them, will admit to the avoidance, denial, and negative reassurance habits. The truth is, they can and do just become a habit which then just fuels our inner mind with fears and worries. All of these and the normal worries will produce the same fear responses. Learning to be present and develop our inner safety and security is the key to living a calmer and happier life. Why don’t you just, for a few days, check how you are responding to situations? If you are following any of these negative habits, maybe it is time to work to let them go. Always remember they are habits and any habit will take time to break. Set goals that give you a few weeks and even months to work on, otherwise we end up changing for today and not making those lasting changes we need. Sara