Being yourself is a complicated thing. It’s something that can take a lifetime to achieve, and for other people, it can come so easily. How we are depends on the life we have led and how this has informed our deep unconscious about how we need to be. If our lives have been filled with unconditional love and support, we can often feel that this is how we need to continue to live our lives. Our inner confidence is something that is built as a child and then we continue to grow and develop throughout our lives. If sadly we have not received that unconditional love and support as a child, how can we know how to feel this way? Or maybe things in life have broken or even shattered that inner confidence and you just can’t find your way back to feeling secure. The truth is we don’t, and we have to then find our way back to this point. This can take months or even years to do depending on the levels of insecurities we have built up deep within us. We often have to hide that we don’t feel secure and this can then get in our way of changing this. This can be seen as the ego or the outer confidence. You might know people who are bold and strong, or so it seems on the outside. But this doesn’t always mean they are the same on the inside. I think that we only have so much of this and where it’s in a balance between the inner and the outer confidence or if we are too outwardly bold yet inwardly insecure. There is also another way people can be, where they are so painfully insecure that this shows inwardly and outwardly but for the main, it is often that battle of where we hold our confidence which is going on within us. But if we are the painfully insecure person and struggle to function well in life then maybe it’s time to find a therapist, a hypnotherapist, a life coach, or a counsellor. It’s about following your instinct to find who is going to be right for you, and what might be right to start with might change as you change and heal.
For the people with the tug of war between inner and outer confidence, there are lots we can do to help ourselves to find our true selves. Don’t get me wrong, therapy is amazing and will help to speed up this process, but it isn’t the only way. If we take the time and the right information we can self-reflect and positively support ourselves and the growth of who we are. Life is as complicated and as unpredictable as we can feel at times and looking at how we respond to situations is the way to help us find ourselves on a deeper level. If we are always having to put on a show for others, look at us, look at what we have, look at what we can do. Often being this way is a way of searching for reassurance that we are worthy and can love ourselves. I am not saying that we shouldn’t share our good fortunes with people, that is not the case at all, but if we feel the need to over-prove ourselves then this could be a sign that we are lacking some of that vital inner confidence we need, to feel secure in who we are. If this is you then you can take time to realign yourself on your outward displays with people and take time personally to praise yourself. The key to being inner confident is not about what others say or do in reaction to what we do but it’s all about how we feel about things inside. Whereas outer confidence can be acted out, inner confidence is something we can’t fake, we just have to learn over time to feel this way. Changing the balance between the outer show of confidence and using the time to personally reflect and help ourselves to feel secure can make a massive difference to how we feel.
If we can be secure then we can also develop our inner self-love and this is one of the key things to being able to be ourselves and love ourselves. If we are in a good place then this can also allow us to be happier with the people around us as well. If you find yourself starring in this outward show of behaviour, then now you can think about why this is and accept that this is not what you need to do and you can learn to feel more of that inner confidence inside. I know that when you have this life, you will be so much happier. In my past, I was painfully insecure, and this was such a limiter for me and then I became too outwardly showy, which wasn’t the best either. I am more quietly confident in who I am, I do have a big open personality which means I will be happy to share my life and its experiences with people. But this is not now coming from a place of need to reassure me that I am a good person or that I am ok. I can now feel genuinely not bothered about what people think and secure to just be myself.
Confidence is a learned and developed habit, so keep challenging yourself and over time you will see a massive difference in how you feel. Always remember forming a habit takes time, just like learning and working to build your fitness levels up. Your mind is a big muscle, start exercising it today and build your inner confidence inside of you.