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Last week we were looking at those pre nervous responses we have when we are struggling with a phobia, today we are going to explore one of the things that we can be doing that could be negatively impacting you. It’s important that we look at the thoughts that come into our minds as something that isn’t us and isn’t real either so that we don’t just keep fuelling a negative habit within our minds. Being honest it is super easy to be living in this inner world and not even stop to look up at the true reality of our lives. This is why we all have a different view of the experiences we have in our lives as we all have this internal dialogue shaping, distorting, deflecting, blurring and over enhancing what we are experiencing. The key is to just observe the inner chatter and see it as just that, our own inner background noise which isn’t us. It is just a build-up of all our experiences in life and how we have approached things, now when we go to do things our mind is just sending these signals. The key to living our lives to the full is to be in the moment and just enjoying that second, free from the internal chatter of our brains working overtime.  We all experience this at times and what we need to do is expand this so that all of our experiences are based on this way of living. The power of living in the NOW is amazing, as all of our attention is fully connected to that moment, that makes the moment so much more vivid and does enhance the way we live when we are living in the moment.

If we are anxious or have a phobia one of the key things for everyone to understand, is that in that reactive moment we are in that internal space in our minds which is distorting how we are experiencing that moment. This habit is creating this false reality that makes the phobic response within us and if we could be in the moment with the inner dialogue switched off then we would be able to access our rational conscious brain instead. This rational part of our brain knows that the spider is tiny and can’t hurt us, that if we can drive to the local shops we can also drive just as well on the motorway, that having that blood test is not dangerous, it’s often lifesaving. When we are feeling anxious, we can often take the route of reassurance as a way of covering over that inner dialogue which is holding those irrational fear response habits. This might seem an ok thing to do to reassure ourselves, why wouldn’t that be ok? It’s positive to say… you’re ok … you can do this…. which of course it is. But the issue lies in the continuation of doing this as some a level of comfort or support where the problem lies, as it then is only a comfort blanket and comfort blankets don’t work. They do give us that initial support but after that start to smother us and the more we add the more smothered we become.

This then just sends the messages of fear to our minds, not the positive ones we intended when we said to ourselves we’re ok, we can do this. Always remember that our minds won’t be deluded or distorted with things like this, they always take things on face value. Our mind, as I often say is black and white, yet we live our lives mainly in the grey which is the biggest confusion for our minds to deal with. As this means our mind has to make the call as to whether this is black or white, the biggest internal driver our minds for this process of deciding black or white is fear. If we are saying we’re ok, we will be fine and we don’t feel this way inside then our minds won’t believe it and will stick this situation in the black not the white. One easy rule to follow is that if we don’t truly believe what we are trying to tell ourselves then our minds won’t either so all that “bigging ourselves up” isn’t helping it is actually having the adverse effect to our anxiety levels. So, trying to continuously make ourselves feel better over something that we are afraid of, or phobic by using reassurance and comfort blankets won’t help as our minds will just turn those positive words into a negative response. Also, the more we focus on the inner minds experiences as we mentioned earlier the more, we a shaping, distorting, deflecting, blurring and over enhancing what we are experiencing.  With this positive reassurance being now in the back in our minds then guess what? It’s not a lovely happily ever after movie playing in the background it’s a horror movie with a horrible end.

Now is the time to stop that reassurance, to stop throwing comfort blanket after comfort blanket over ourselves, as we try to “big ourselves up” to alleviate the phobic responses and fears.  This isn’t working it is now part of the problem and we may have also pulled in some of our family and friends to do the same and by searching for that reassurance from them. What you need to do is work on ways to help you stay in the moment with your rational conscious mind instead of supporting us instead.  A good way to do this is to pull ourselves into the moment what’s happening what can we see or if we are struggling with that moment we need to distract ourselves away from that inner chatter to give our minds time to switch that of. When our mind starts to turn down the inner chatter when we aren’t listening then our anxiety levels will start reducing too.

Next week I will be continuing to help you look at ways to help get you out of fears and phobias and back into the now. Thanks for dropping by Sara x

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