Calm

Listen to me

Watch me

We have been looking at ways to deal with the hard times that come our way in life, we all have to accept that hard times will come and it’s not about not having them, it’s all about how we deal with them. Staying calm is another skill we need, and could even be one of the most important ways to deal with things. Staying calm will have a massive impact on the situation by the strong secure message we send to others and to ourselves. It is not about being swam like, where we look calm and serene on the surface and then our legs are going ten to the dozen beneath the water. It’s about having that calmness throughout every part us; in fact, I believe that true calm starts from the inside out. If we try to send the calm out from ourselves when it isn’t anchored inside then we could be sending back insecure feelings to ourselves. Always keep in mind our minds are the most amazing computers you could ever imagine, hidden beneath the surface within us and they don’t know the answers they can only take on board the messages we send to them. Mixed messages will only end up confusing our mind and all we will end up doing will be diluting the true message we are trying to send.  The end result will not help us developing the strength and calm we would hope for, but in the worst-case scenarios it will send a totally negative message to our mind.  

The thing we must always remember is, if we don’t truly believe it then our mind won’t believe it either.

This is the case for everything in our lives, we have to have that inner belief in what we are doing to have that true, solid, strength and total belief in things.  It is all about being whole inside and out, with how we feel, then this will then be a strong secure message we carry and also send out. This is just the same for being calm, if our heart is racing and we are trying to send the messages of calm then it won’t work in fact it could make our mind feel we are in fact in a much more dangerous situation then we actually are. One of the fight, flight and freeze responses will be at work if this is what is happening to us. Remember our mind is always trying to second guess what we are doing to help protect us from whatever dangers might be coming to harm us. That protective mechanism in our minds is one of the biggest responses we have and it doesn’t expect for you to send a clear signal that you could be in danger, as sometimes signalling we are in danger could get us killed.

In our history life wasn’t as safe as it is now and it was often the case that we would have to pretend everything was ok until we could find away to escape from the dangers we have stumbled into. Our mind still has that same pattern running through it, so your mind might be thinking that outward show of calm is just away to bide time until you are able to then find a way out of this dangerous situation. This is why it’s important to be calm from the inside out, then the message our minds will feel is true calm. If you struggle to find that true calm then it’s much better to admit this to yourself rather than trying to blag yourself that you are ok.  If you have a big meeting coming up and you keep saying I will be ok, it’s going to be fine, there’s nothing to worry about and we don’t believe this, what do you think our minds will think? Yes, your right it will think that this meeting is dangerous thing and you are just going along with it until you can find a way to escape it.  This is why for many of us we have those feeling of wanting to run from those things we don’t feel that calm about, as another of the defensive responses is kicking in and telling your body to run for it. All these signals were amazing when we had real life dangers to run from but we can’t, run from the meeting or your boss or that challenging situation. As I said earlier, we can’t deny it to ourselves either, we have to rationalise it and find ways that will help to build the calm we need to send the right messages to our minds and bodies.

If we can admit to ourselves this isn’t rational and the fears are not needed, we can then start to help our mind by distracting ourselves from the fears which have been pushing us away from that calmness we want to feel. If we start feeling calmer, by using the distraction techniques to get us away from thinking about the fear, then over time we will start to feel that calm growing inside of us.  Remember it takes time to be solid and calm from the inside out so always accept that you are a work in progress. Never expect too much as this won’t help either it will just knock our confidence, and also never expect a straight road to change, there will always be those ups and downs along the journey of change.

Take time to write down the positives after each time you challenge yourself to be that calmer version of yourself. After a few attempts at this, you will be able to look back and start to see the positive changes occurring. Rome wasn’t built in a day, be patient and keep going, over time you will have the strength and believe to hold that calm from the inside out.

Thanks for dropping by Sara x