We have been exploring ways to become more confident and our actions are the key to this, if we send the messages of confidence to our minds, then they will be mirrored back out to us. This being the case then it is super important that we create the right lines in every area of our lives, and then we can just hold the flag over them with everyone we interact with. Life is like a game of tug of war in most if not all of our relationships and interactions, we all have our own agenda and hopefully we all strive to be fair too. But there is a fine line between give and take one we need to up hold in balance for ourselves if we are striving to be more confident. Over giving is just as bad for ourselves as under giving is bad for others, neither way is the right way. If we over give then it’s a sign of weakness to our primeval minds and this will cause us to lack confidence. Our minds from the cave man days have all seen the importance of survival and that we need to protect and take care of ourselves in order to survive. Don’t get me wrong here giving selflessly is a great thing to do but if this is something we do all the time at the expense of ourselves then this will be too much to sustain over long periods of time. If we go on too long this way, we could run out of the energy completely so then we are no help to others or ourselves, which is not a great place to end up at. The people we are helping wouldn’t want us to break ourselves in the process of helping them, so it’s about finding the balance between give and take.
Balance can be a hard thing to master as we can be led by our over giving habits and feel the compulsion to do more than we should. This is not the way to find our own true self and be self-assured inside and confident on the outside. The need to do this, is not only about helping others but it is also about meeting our own inner needs too. The need to feel needed, the need to feel good, the need to feel valued, the need to feel safe and wanted can all drive us to over give. Being safe and secure inside will allow us to find the right balance and then we can comfortable lean back and hold the flag over the line. That true balance between two people is that we can both lean back hold the rope strong and keep the flag over the line, in this situation we are both trusting each other to do this. If one fails then the other will fall or be pulled out of balance so see the bigger picture of this helping both of you stay in balance and feel the strength that this can bring to your relationship. If we have been over giving and the flag has moved over to the other side, then we have to take the steps to gain back the balance. The person or situation on the other side won’t always have consciously acknowledged that this is the case though.
Say at work you always go the extra mile and saying no doesn’t seem to be in your vocabulary, then pulling the flag back to the line will take time and strength. Your boss’s mind set will be ‘I don’t need to worry no matter what they ask of you, you will just do it, even if it is at the expense of you and your loved ones’. This will mean that they can walk away and leave you to it, finding their own balance in their lives because of this. As a manager isn’t this their job? To get the job done and over see that everyone does their part? Well yes this is the case, so they don’t feel the pull or need to find balance with you, they find balance with the task and the job they are employed to do. They all find the balance in understanding that some people do more than others and they use this knowledge to get the job done. Being a manager can be a hard role at times and having a second skin can sometimes be needed to get this done. So that being the case then, they are not always looking out for you as much as they should be and you need to take personal responsibility for yourself and look after you.
It is truly safe to do this, you’re not a bad person if you think this way, accepting to just hold the flag over the line and stay strong and confident is the right way to be. Of course, if our loved ones need us then we will go that extra mile, but giving away ourselves for just the giving away sake of it, is what need to stop. If you go back to the work example, not everyone in your workplace will be over giving, many people will just hold the flag over the line and do what they can. You may say well they have children and have to leave or that the have issues at home or something else that makes them respond in this way. But we all have people, things, situations and ourselves which need us to take care of, they seem to get away without the excess work, so if they can, you can. It may take time as the people around you are used to you over giving so they will be automatically looking at you when they need something sorted, but it’s time for your own reasons why you can’t. It’s not about being bad to do this it’s about being fair, give them time they will start to except you to say no instead of yes, but you have to get a few No’s under your belt first for them to see you in this way.
It is essential to be confident on an inner level if we want to live a calmer, more relaxed way, plus we get the pleasure of life more without all that internal churning, so we can listen to your Gut Instinct more easily, which will help us find the best path for us. If you’re ever unsure about where the flag should be then try stepping back, think about how you would advise a friend over this or write it down and look at from a more external perspective. Changing your viewpoint can often be the key, we need to see things more clearly and find the best and fairest way to deal with all these people and situations that we come across in life.
Embrace your life with both hands, choose to love your life and live it to the full, let your confidence be your guiding light.
Thanks for dropping by Sara x