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We have been looking over the last few weeks on ways to boost your confidence and today we’re looking at another thing that could be limiting you and negatively impacting your ability in building your confidence.  Being safe and secure is the key to our deep inner confidence which I believe is essential in helping you feel and live with confidence on all levels of your life. Our minds are amazing and they are always trying to help us find ways to automate what we are doing, helping us to free up more mental inner space, which is fantastic for things like walking and driving a car, but if our mind starts automating things we don’t want then were in trouble. With our inner minds working for us it’s important to understand how it works as sometimes we are inadvertently doing things which are not getting the outcome we are expecting. A massive thing for all of us can be procrastination and putting things off, which is such a limiter in moving forward, but you might not have been aware that it could also be causing anxiety making the whole situation much worse. I do think one the easiest things to do, is to put something off, which you might be saying is quite normal and yes, your right there. But there are big issues with this, for your inner mind, if there is a totally real and true reason to put something of then there is no problem at all and your mind will except this, but if you are putting it off because you are uncomfortable or avoidant about doing this then your mind won’t believe your excuse.

For all of us we can easily make up excuses why we don’t do things but is it real? Or is this just us in denial over how we are truly feeling? To be really honest you will know either way but whether you choose to admit this to yourself is a different question all together. But our mind on the other hand, doesn’t have the grey areas that we can get lost in, or issues with denial avoidance, it just has a black and white way to respond and deal with things. So, if it knows you’re just trying to blag yourself out of doing something which makes you feel uncomfortable, then all it will do is add more fear to the underlying fear you already have. 

Let’s look at this with an analogy, as it can sometimes help us see things more clearly. Let’s look at this like a kitchen bin, we don’t feel confident in doing something and with each experience we are adding these nerves to the bin and over time it will start filling up with these nerves, but it’s not full yet so we still be able to keep doing those things. But over time the bin fills up, at that point we can then find we feel that need to avoid those things, we can see this as the bin being full of the nerves which now are too much for us to ignore.  Let’s be real who likes emptying the kitchen bin? I think all of us try to deny that its full, squeeze in another item or just try to put off emptying it.  The bin is full and you pretend that it’s not and you push something else in, this is what’s happening when you are denying how you are feeling and put something off. What is being pushed down is the message of fear to those deep inner parts of you. This adds to the fear that has been pushing itself-upwards, this is the nerves and fear that have filled the bin up already, which can then make you feel that tipping point to avoidance. So back to the bin you have pushed more stuff into an already over full bin, maybe once or twice you can get away with this and on the surface it seems ok, but think about the bin which has become so full that you can’t even pull the black bag out of it to empty it. I am sure we have all experienced this and curse whoever let it get to this point, well this is what is happening in your mind when you are avoiding things and deny it to yourself. Not only is the original fear still there, but you have just added more to it and each time you do this your adding more fear and eventually trying to do the thing you have been avoiding has become so stuck, seeming so hard to achieve or even impossible. I am sure at one time or another we have all had a fight with the kitchen bin which is so full it won’t come out; we all wish whoever over filled it, hadn’t and its much harder than it should be now because of this. This is what is happening inside you as you put things off and now it’s time to realise this, life is like the kitchen bin, you will eventually have to do it anyway. It’s time to see this and stop putting things off as not only does it make the thing your avoiding much harder it is knocking your confidence as well.  This message of avoidant fear will make your mind feel insecure and that’s not the place where we can easily build confidence on. 

If we realise this now and just get on and do this, not only are we saving ourselves a whole heap of struggle and mess but we will be boosting our confidence and growing our own inner safety and security.  Whenever situation come your way you can now just think about the bin analogy and how painful you will be making this for yourself, if you avoid and put this off.  Knowing this you can choose to face the challenge and push through it, the more you do this the safer and securer you will become, over time you won’t even have to think this way. As the more you do things the more your mind is developing those lovely automated habits for you, where it just goes ahead and does things without even the thoughts of worry.  As you strive to move forward with a non-avoidant attitude to things, your life will feel easier, you will feel calmer and the inner and out confidence will be growing.

Make today and the rest of your life, a life that you challenge yourself and give up avoiding things.

Thanks for dropping by Sara x

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