Listen to me

Watch me

Last week we were looking at how we need to take those compliments that people give us so that we can boost our own confidence and become more self-assured within ourselves. There are lots of other things we can also change to help us to become more confident and today we looking at the overuse of the word sorry. Don’t get me wrong saying sorry and admitting to our mistakes is a sign of strength. It’s great to be honest and admit if we’re in the wrong, saying sorry is also a sign of good manners and being truthful I feel is an essential life skill and we should all learn to feel comfortable in being. By doing this we will also be adding that confidence and strength to boost our inner confidence and if we all lived this way, life would be happier and simpler, this is something, we should all strive to do in our lives. But what we do need to do, is to give up the needless apologies we say in our lives and also, we need to not take responsibility for other people’s issues and problems. I think for some of us we have become the person who takes the fall for too many things in our lives and that then means some people are needlessly getting away with things.  This way of behaving isn’t helping you, and it’s not helping the people who we are allowing to get away with things with us, as when they come across other people who won’t allow this to happen, it is more than likely going to end messily. If we all learn to be balanced in accepting blame for our own mistakes then we can spread the balance out to everyone we meet, this is a win, win, situation for us all.  To do this on all levels then we also need to get rid of the excess apologies and stand in our own truth and power.

When we needlessly say sorry, we end up making ourselves smaller than who we truly are and diminish what we’re trying to say or do. This will mean that people may not give us the attention or respect that we deserve and we may also get passed by people too. One of the first steps to enable us to do this, is that we need to become aware of when we are over using sorry, when someone bumps into us or when your colleague has made a mistake and the boss is giving the whole team a talking down, maybe when something just goes wrong and it is out of anyone’s control. All of these situations could trigger us to say sorry, so take the time to think about when you use sorry, then break it down into the good and bad areas of using sorry. If we think about people saying sorry when it’s not necessary, they can come over as being timid and unconfident and the message to our mind is that they don’t feel secure in who they are. This is not how we want to be seen, we don’t need to hide anymore it is safe to be seen, to be confident, strong and secure.

In many studies carried out it does show that woman, are more likely to be saying sorry over the men, but of course men do this too or maybe they do the opposite and don’t say sorry enough which as I mentioned earlier is just as bad.  It could be just a bad habit maybe in a meeting we say sorry to interrupt, now it time to rethink what we say, instead we could say how about this? I have an idea over this? Can I share my thoughts? All of these are polite replacements to sorry, but these are stronger more confident ways to put yourselves over. Maybe we haven’t been able to answer a text and we would normally say sorry, what you need to say now is the truth, even if it is, I am sorry I forget to reply.  All of the others reasons below don’t need an apologise and the new language you use will help you boost your confidence.  We could also throw in the magic thank you in the beginning of this, thanks for the text we have just finished driving or we have just got out the meeting, or we have only just got the kids to bed.

To help you break the habit of over using sorry try and pause before the normal apologies slip out and just stop for a moment and say to yourself: have I done anything wrong? This will give you time to rethink the unnecessary apologies and stop them.  Also, you now know the situations that trigger you, then you can also stop yourself from sprinkling out the apologies, it may help for you to be more prepared with other options to use in its place, as this will help speed up making those new habits. Be the strong version of yourself and shine with how you speak, it’s great to give yourself these types of challenges to help you boost your confidence and become a better version of yourself.

You can also transform your apologies into gratitude: here are a few example where this can be a great to use, when you would say,  sorry for complaining or sorry for venting you could just say, thank you for listening, or thank you for being there or thank you for being my friend.  This will show we accept our flaws in a much more confident way, this will also help us accept we are not perfect but we are confident enough to own that and be who we are. Be the person that throws the thank you in instead of the sorry and boost that growing inner safety and security inside of you and all the other people around you will benefit from this too.

You can start with your family and friends and as your confidence grows you can expand beyond them into all areas of your life.  The more you do this the more confident you will become feeling more safe and secure inside and allowing yourself to be true and honest in all situations you come across.

Have a great day, thanks for dropping by Sara x

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