Confidence, Self development

Sugar Coated

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Over the last few weeks, we have been looking at how important it is to be yourself and I can’t emphasise enough how our inner mind feels when we are truly relaxed in being ourselves unique self. Our minds are black and white. So any levels of tension will cause a part of our inner safety and security to switch off and freeze or become hypervigilant in the fight and flight.  We may have had a heightened stress response for all of our lives and may not even be consciously aware of it, but our mind knows everything and will, of course, be fully aware. Being ourselves is our great privilege which we have got to enjoy over these last few decades and its time to fully own this, as there are still many places in the world continuing to battle for their personal freedom. If we can’t relax and be who we are it’s like a part of us is caged, frozen in fear, waiting to pounce or run and if we find ourselves responding to everyday satiations in this over-reactive way, it’s more than likely you have a part of you living in this fear state and you just don’t know it.

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Here’s something we could be doing which can be causing that inner stress and fear, plus stopping us from relaxing and being our true unique self, we can sugar coat things with the way we think and deal with life. Often, we can do this to ourselves and this will stop us from fully acknowledging how we feel, and this can cause us to suppress our emotions, over time these will build up and cause us issues.  We can say to ourselves, it’s ok, it’s not that bad, we can just go along with it, everyone else seems ok, then we put the sugar coating onto the experience and try our best to get on with it.  Of course, we all will do this from time to time and that it’s totally normal as we will want to put other people first at times, make them happy, join in with groups of people, make it lovely for our families. But if we are doing this everyday then this over time we will wear ourselves down and cause us to experience the FFF responses. We can then find that we can start being triggered by other people and everyday things which hadn’t previously been a problem too us, reacting and being over reactive when that response is unwarranted. This is because our unconscious mind has been living in this fear state and it’s been waiting for the danger to surface. Those inner feeling don’t have an outlet, so they have just grown within us and even if this is just a small amount every day it will build up over time.

Let’s look at an example of this, say you’re in a job you don’t like but you need the money and you originally took the job, you sugar coated it to yourself that it was just a temporary thing and you would find something else long term. You have always disliked it, but you have pretended that it’s ok by this sugar-coated attitude to it, it’s great money, I will leave, next year, next month or whatever it is you say to yourself.  We do at times have to do things we don’t want to do, but we are best to admit it to ourselves and not pretend to ourselves. It’s ok to not like what everyone else does and it’s safe to be unique. If we have stayed a while, then find a way to another job, then this would never have become a problem, but if after 5 years we’re still stuck there, then those feelings beneath the sugar coating which we have been denying to ourselves will have really built up inside of us. We then may start getting irritated by our children or partner, get headaches, feel the tension in our neck and shoulders, find we don’t sleep as well, start feeling anxious on a Sunday afternoon knowing we have work on Monday. At this point we so used to this sugar-coated attitude to things that we can also be in denial of where these feelings are coming from, this will make it so much harder to resolve them. Because we may, for parts of it, be looking at the wrong things to find our solutions to our frustrations, if our children were better, if we had more space in the house this may stop the issues could be one of the ways we start thinking. This could lead us to commit to a bigger mortgage and making us more trapped in this situation and so, in turn, causing more internal fears and anxiety.  We could feel that it’s our partner’s fault and drive a wedge between you and your partner and over time end up losing your relationship because of it. These are the extremes, but you can see how this could happen, whatever your level this sugar-coated attitude is impacting you, it’s time to stop this and look for change.

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We can sugar coat ourselves over lots of things, about how much we drink, how much unhealthy food we have, how we feel about ourselves, our work, our friends and our life in general. I know we don’t have a magic wand to give us everything we truly desire but wasting our time living this way is totally unnecessary too. We may feel trapped, as the whole situation over time has worn us down, but we can’t keep going on this way, we have to stop and take positive action. The first step is to admit this to ourselves and this will be a massive step but when we do the fear won’t be chasing us anymore, we will be facing it head-on. Change won’t come instantly but now we can focus our energy on the right things, instead of using all our energy to deny how we truly feel.  Our friend and family love us, and they will help, maybe you could seek help with someone like myself, join a night school course, a group, find ways to release the daily frustrations and anxieties in an activity.

There’s no right or wrong way there’s only your way, start this process today, take the weight of denial of your shoulders and see things clearly. Start taking steps to change this and find better ways to live your life without sugar coating things and building up these inner negative feelings. I know you can do it, start believing in yourself, you may even surprise yourself what you can truly achieve.

Thanks for dropping by Sara x

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