We looked last week at how important it is to be You and putting yourself back in the driving seat of your life, but what if you are struggling to be who you truly are. I think it can be very hard to be our true unique self as historically this has not often been possible, and we’re maybe holding onto to those old patterns and habits. For many of us, our parents couldn’t be who they wanted to be and beyond that, it got more and more difficult to be ourselves. We still had slavery in 1865 in the UK, plus in many parts of our western world too and before 1967 it was a criminal offence to be gay in the UK. Sadly, this is still illegal in parts of the world, only last month Brunei brought back being stoned to death as a penalty for being gay. Just over 100 years ago women got the chance to vote and prior to that, they were classed as being the possession of the man. These are so close to who we are today on certain levels, yet also a million miles away from us too.
Consciously we understand and can articulate that we are safe to be who we are and if we choose to have certain beliefs or live life a certain way then we can. Obviously, our society draws a line to things or beliefs that would be harmful to ourselves and others but that is for most parts is a sensible thing. The law is set out in the hopes to find that right balance and create a safe place for us all to live in, hopefully in peace and harmony. This is not the case at times, but our world is much safer than it’s been, particularly in places like England, than it has ever been before. The back of our mind and the parts of us that holds the rules and programmes that give us that solid base to build our consciousness on might not understand things in the same way. Primarily this is because if we are aged 50 then this was set up 45 to 50 years ago and look how much we have changed since then. Then the people who we looked up to and brought us up would be for example 25 years old so their beliefs would be set 75 years ago. Then their parent’s influence maybe took them back to 100 years ago. I am sure you can see that what we have all learned is based on out of date information, this is often what we hold onto, instead of striving to be safe and secure within ourselves, this way of living will be a big limiter for us.
If we look back even further, living that more primaeval life meant that we had to get on with everyone else, who wanted to stick out like a sore thumb, be the black sheep of the family or the outcast of the village? We can easily understand what those words make us feel like and at the thoughts of being seen in that way, but back in the past this often meant that we may not survive as no one would look out for us or stand up for us. Being yourself can be hard and if our old beliefs are pulling us back then it can also be a very scary thing for us too. If we feel limited by our own fears, then this will be wobbling the foundations of who we are, building true inner safety and security will be very hard too, as it will often just slip off those imbalanced foundations. But if we stay this way and don’t challenge ourselves then this will add to that inner fear, making us feel more anxious in an everyday situation because we fear to be ourselves.
This can be a classic pattern with people who have suffered anxiety all of their lives, as they have been living in this internal disparity making them feel insecure. They know who they want to be, but fear to be in case there are negative consequences. I do think we need to be brave to be our true unique self but it’s also one of the most liberating things you will ever do. I think we are super lucky in England to be able to do this on many levels, now it’s essential that we take this opportunity. Maybe we take small steps and just start to truly say what we want to do, instead of saying, I don’t mind, what do you want to do. Or maybe you say I am easy, I will go or do anything you want to do, at times this is of course maybe how we do feel. But if we are doing this all the time we have to be truthful with ourselves that this can’t be the case and we just placating the people around us. Maybe we think if they’re happy then we will be, often causing an imbalance between give and take, which won’t make anyone happy in the long run. We can’t always do what we want to do, that is a given, but we can have our needs met and also, we can be who we choose to be, have our own opinion and be heard.
Take the time to consider who you truly are and what makes you happy, then start to find ways to be yourself in situations. Always remember the most important opinion in your own mind is yours and if we take care of ourselves and feel safe to be who we are our mind will feel so much happier. Over time your mind will develop more of its own inner safety and security, which is one of the core things we need to be relaxed and calm in our lives. If we feel safe and secure we will attract in more experiences that match this and our inner belief system will start to pull us in this direction. The people we meet will sense this too and you will find it easier to be more relaxed with other people and situations too. The benefits of choosing to be yourself are massive and of course, your inner mind will also think OMG maybe she does like and love me, she does value my opinion, which will over time allow your confidence to grow too.
Start today, set daily goals and challenge yourself to relax and be yourself, it is safe to do this.
Thanks for dropping by Sara x