We have been talking about PTSD and trauma over the last few weeks and today we continue with this theme. I am sure you have all heard of the term blindsided which is when you have been caught off guard by something. This can then make it hard to process the truth about what’s happening. This is normally referring to a situation when a person is unaware of what could happen and is often left shocked and surprised. This I believe, if not worked through properly, lead to issues of trauma. Don’t get me wrong it’s nowhere near the level of as PTSD, but it has similar feelings and connections to it. Here are some of the words we might use to explain a blindsided event: startled, gobsmacked, shocked, stunned, bowled over, speechless and mind blowing. As you can see there are similar feeling to traumatic events but on a lesser level. As we said before, two things happen, the traumatic event and then the way we deal with the event going forward.
If we are blindsided in a relationship this can rock the foundations of who we are, the beliefs we had about the person and the relationship we shared, are all shattered. This can be then very hard to move on from and can then lead to trapped feelings from the past surfacing in the now. Also, it can start a habit of fear that this could happen again and this can then lead to avoidance, anxiety, anger, jealousy issues and fear. As you can see it has a similar response, but on a lesser level to PTSD and trauma and if not resolved can have a significant impact on your life.
Let’s look at how being blindsided in a relationship might play out, say you catch your partner cheating on you and its comes from nowhere. You had previously thought your relationship was great, felt secure and loved by them and being with them forever. Imagine the shock of being blindsided by this knowledge, say then your partner is remorseful and wants you to stay together. If your mind has got stuck at this moment you may find it hard to fully move on, of course none of us are going to let it go easily it will take time to heal, forgive and trust again. But, what if you get stuck in the patterns of insecurity and fear, start checking where they are all the time, feel anxious when their out, get upset and angry with them, check their phones and just can’t let it go. This of course will massively impact your relationship and eventually, if it’s not resolved it could just blow it up completely. A relationship can’t go on in this way forever, no matter how sorry your partner may be and how much they want it to work. Also for you it horrible living this way with those fears and insecurities.
Option two, they not only blindside you with this other relationship, but they leave you. The hurt and pain is all consuming and maybe you find it impossible to move on from it. When you then try to move into another relationship you may have shut down emotionally, you may not even be aware of this or that you are doing it, as your mind will have done this for you. You will then have this barrier and wall, not truly letting someone else in. You can find lots of reasons why you’re not connecting with that new person but they may not be the full truth. If your heart and mind has closed itself down as a form of protection then you can’t let someone in, if you don’t let them in then you won’t have that true connection and love for them. This can lead to lots of lost relationship opportunities and more unhappiness, loss and grief will come with it all. Those habits and patterns may just continue to negatively impact your relationships and life until you wake up to the fact that this is happening.
Option 3 maybe you do let someone else in but you can’t trust them, the trauma and blindsided fears from the past have infiltrated your relationship in the now. You then start doing the same things that I mentioned above: checking on them, paranoia about where they are and what they’re doing and living on the edge always expecting to be blindsided again. None of these are great and leave a lasting negative impact on you and your life. As you see this is not the past that is causing this, it’s the fact that you developed habits from the past and you are stuck in them.
This example could play out the same if you got fired from your job, lost a big contract for your company, got rejected by a friend, or one of your family members blindsided you. With all of these other examples you could follow the same route of insecurities and impact on your anxiety levels and confidence. Living in the now, free of the past is the ultimate challenge for all of us. It is time to take stock of ourselves and our lives and make sure we have let go of anything that can hinder us in life. Life is so precious and we don’t know how many moments we have left in life, why waste them with living in the past? It’s the bigger person that finds it in their heart to forgive and move on, but we can’t do this without acknowledging that we need to.
If your holding on to old hurts, try this exercise: write a letter to the person that blindsided and hurt you explaining how you felt back then and how you still feel now. Then in a safe way I would like you to burn the old letter as a symbol of letting go of the past. Then write a letter to yourself saying how proud you are that you have overcome this, just so free and alive know that you have let this go. Always write in the present tense as if you are living and feeling this way now. You can expand on this by describing things in your life that you’re now doing because you have let this go, keep your letter safe and read it regularly and whenever you can.
Now set goals, make plans and take action doing things that will help you start living the life in the way you have written.
Make today an amazing day,
Thanks for dropping by Sara x