From the last blog Become More Confident we looked at learning to be yourself and that your own opinion is the most important one. We looked at how important is to accept that none of us are perfect, we all make mistakes and it’s time to laugh these off and relax, just be yourself. Now that you’re getting to know yourself better it’s time then to start with that next step to becoming more confident. The dictionary definition of confidence is ‘the feeling or belief that one can have faith in, or rely on someone or something’. Now it’s time to start owning your beliefs, be decisive in your actions and choices, I am sure you know people like this, they know themselves and are not worried to be who they are. So, if you’re quiet or loud-just be you; chatty or reserved -just be you, if your introverted or extroverted-just be you. There is no right or wrong way, there is only your way. We are all unique and it’s time for you to own, trust and believe in yourself. To just relax, accept there’s no need to negotiate this, you can be decisive with your actions and beliefs.
Being confident means being deceive and strong in your actions and beliefs.
The best way to do this is to be present and in the moment. You have already got to know yourself better and chosen to relax and be yourself, now it’s time not take things to seriously so you can just be strong with your choices. I do understand that is won’t seem normal for you, as you have been putting yourself down and doing your own head in for as long as you’ve lacked confidence. If you haven’t already done so, read the series on The Cat it will help get you thinking about this habit, helping you to change what you’re doing more easily. I will take practice being in the moment and not in the habit of living in your head. But remember, it’s just a habit and isn’t real or forever, it’s time to break this and you will grow in confidence.
Be in the moment don’t live in your head.
Now let’s look at a few of the misconceptions we may have over what confidence is and what is means to be a confident person. We can often think that a confident person is dominant and will take control of every situation. That they have the answers and solutions to fix all issues that may come their way, this is not true. Also, we may think being confident is being an intense, flamboyant or extrovert that need to be the centre of attention, this is not true either. Confident people don’t put people down. They’re happy for everyone to be themselves just like they are, so you don’t need to fight your corner with your opinion, action or belief you can always agree to disagree with people. Also bragging is a mask for insecurity and not needed to be confident, but also know it‘s ok to share and let people in too. Remember confident people listen and enjoy interacting they will often ask open questions to find out what you’re doing or interested in so don’t think you have to be the life and soul of the party that’s not needed either. Truly confident people don’t need the glory; they know what they’ve achieved, they don’t need the validation of others, because true validation comes from within.
Being confident can be quiet, if this is you then that’s perfect as well as being any of the above, but being present and decisive is essential. It’s time to get out of your head and into the moment, no need to worry about what we say or how we look we have already decided to relax and be ourselves. When you’re in the moment with someone we often forget about being in our head and be in the moment. Use this knowledge to be in the moment. Keep practicing, as it may have been a long time for you living in your head and practicing will help your new habits grow much more quickly. Try listening more to the other person you’re with, look at how they are talking and feeling, get absorbed in the moment with them. If it’s a group situation check what’s happening around you, take it in, if you catch yourself going back into your head gently guide yourself out into the moment. Remember you have already decided who you are, what you like, so there’s no need to apologies for being yourself and you have as much right as everyone else to have your own opinion. You don’t need to be what you think other people want you to be, you’re not trying to fit in, you’re relaxed being yourself in the moment. Be honest about how your feeling and create connections with people to distract yourself from living in your mind. If you’re being yourself you’re honouring who you are and this will help to develop true confidence.
Practice makes perfect taking steady steps is the key.
Now it’s about practicing don’t rush off into a massive challenge, small steps are the best, for some people it can go beyond just a confidence issue and it can be a phobia. If this is the case it’s worth finding a hypnotherapist to help with the fear responses you may be having. Of course we can do things on our own, but don’t struggle- it’s fine to ask for help. Confident people are happy to ask for help, as they understand they’re not being judged and know if help is needed, finding the right people to do so shows strength not weakness. The weak people continue to run from their fears and insecurities, the strong people stop and choose to face them. Make today your first confident day and with the challenges you set for yourself let your confidence continue to grow. Remember anything we are learning isn’t a steady upward curve, your journey to become more confident will have its ups and downs, that’s normal that’s life. Don’t hold onto the things which don’t go right, just let them go and focus on the things which do work out for you. Practice, practice and practice is the key.
Thanks for dropping by, Sara x
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