If you have read the first blog in this series What Is Confidence, you will know that I have lots of personal experience in developing confidence, as I said it’s a learned and developed habit. Today I am going to help you start to learn to develop your own confidence. We all have different confidence issues, for some people it’s in every area of their lives and for others only in certain parts or situational. Whichever way it is for you, the process is the same, the basis of self-confidence is being safe and secure within yourself and using that platform to develop your confidence on.
Let’s take a look first at few of the main qualities confident people have. We have already looked at the outer qualities, now let’s look at those inner qualities we have when we’re a confidence, self-assured person.
Be yourself it’s the first step to being confident and secure in your life
Confident people feel comfortable in their own skin and feel secure about who they are, they aren’t afraid to look silly as they can laugh things off. This is because they not bothered what other people think, not in an arrogant way, but in a secure way, as they are happy to be themselves. If we worry about what people think it can cause lots of insecurities and make life painful for ourselves. My life was painful as I never knew how to act and I was always trying to act how I thought people wanted me to be, instead of just being myself. That is of course a hard place to be as we never feel stable , every different situation shifts and with the constant change, it just fuels our insecurities. When you’re truly confident, you don’t mind occasionally being in a situation where you aren’t at your best, because you’re not looking for people’s approval as your happy to be yourself. I think this is the first thing to learn to enable your confidence to start to grow, BE YOURSELF if you don’t know what that is, then start asking yourself what it is you like and don’t like.
Be yourself and don’t take yourself to seriously
We are all totally unique and in a liberated society where we get to be who we want to be. Don’t get me wrong, I know prejudiced and small-minded people still live in our society. But it’s not like it was in the past, if you haven’t read Cave Men give it a read, it will put thing into perspective about old beliefs that used to hold us back aren’t relevant now. We’re not having to conform so we don’t upset the queen and it’s off with your head or we fall out with the village leader and get banished. It’s safe to be yourself, your family and friends already know who you are even if you don’t, they can see the true you and love you for it already. It’s only you that hasn’t got to that point yet. Often we don’t like to be ourselves in case we make ourselves look silly, but its only us that’s taking ourselves too seriously. None of us are perfect and I am sure we can all say we’re not expecting everyone else to be perfect either, with this being the case it’s time to start owning your own mistakes. Confident people own their own mistakes and are happy to say it how it is, as insecurity tends to breed fear and feelings of being awkward, whereas confidence breeds sincerity and honesty. I think all of us want to be treated with honesty and sincerity so and that’s why I feel confident people admit their mistakes because it’s fine to be imperfect like everyone else. Confident people don’t mind being a source of laughter at times for others and for themselves as they can see the funny side in things when it doesn’t work out.
The most important opinion of who you are is your own
If you’re able to be yourself and laugh things off then it gives you the confidence to take a stand and hold your own opinions, because it doesn’t matter if your wrong. A confident person is happy to admit that they’re not always right they’re not cocky or conceited, but they are happy to take a stand but also they won’t bulldoze over your views. People who are not confident may struggle with being wrong, they may need to feel they’re right as they are placing safety and security in being correct rather than inside themselves. This makes the need to be right super important for them as it being driven by fear and not held from a place of internally safety. In the extremes cases, their behaviour isn’t a sign of confidence, it’s the hallmark of an intellectual bully. Truly confident people should be able to back down graciously and don’t mind being proved wrong as it more important to find the truth in the situation rather than being right.
I think it would be good to start to write about who you are, I found I didn’t know who I was at all and it was easier for me to work out who I wasn’t and narrow down to what I liked and believed in. Start by writing all the things you don’t like in the world and your life, for example animal cruelty, lies, injustice, fast food and the rain! They were some of mine but as you can see that makes me an animal loving and animal rights supporter, honest, vegan, sun lover! But in a few words people that know me would recognise me as this. I am happy to be this as I am confident in who I am, find the key things first about yourself and then start looking at the smaller likes and dislikes. Before you know it you will have built up a picture of who you truly are and the next blog will help you start feeling more comfortable in being yourself.
Thanks for dropping by Sara x
If your not signed up, you can do so here and be the first to read the blogs.